It's been a few months and a lot has occurred.... Baby boy has a name, Carter Finn Clark. It is only six more weeks until he is due to come into our world. We are all getting excited and anxious to meet our little guy. I graduated from college early November and it has been such a relief in some ways but it seems we keep getting hit with more and more things since then. I have enjoyed spending more time with Andilyse and we have got to appreciate the true essence of me being a stay at home mother.
On the other hand we recently found out that Nathan is deploying shortly after baby Carter is born. Honestly I haven't had time or the energy to even think about what it will be like without him around for so long. When I do think about it I usually start to cry so I push it away and am trying to stay focused on the here and now. Nathan has a lot of requirements and responsibilities to fill before he leaves, and we have Christmas, a baby being born, and a lot more to accomplish over the next three months. I have a lot of fears and uncertainties in my mind about the upcoming deployment. My biggest concern is what to tell and how to help Andilyse through this time. Nathan will be leaving some time close to her 4th birthday, and she has become quite the daddy's girl lately. I love to see her excitement and love for her daddy, but at the same time it makes me realize how much she is going to miss him. How in the HELL am I suppose to tell a four year old that her daddy has to leave for so long? She doesn't understand the concept of time... and every time she asks me when is daddy coming home I'll have to push the idea out of my mind that he may never come home..... it is so hard for me to not question God right now. Why now, why ever? I'm sure many men and women have asked this question and we see and hear about the war every day, but it takes on a new reality when it is your own family.
I'm trying to be strong because the last think I want is for Nathan to worry about us while he is gone. I want him to stay focused on coming back to us safely, but I can't help but wonder, how am I going to do this??? I can handle the day to day, taking care of the kids house etc. and I know I will have lots of help from family and friends, what I'm not sure I can handle is the uncertainty of when if ever he will come home, and the reassurance I will have to provide for Andilyse when I am so unsure.
Needless to say this is a bitter sweet time in our lives, we are so excited about having a baby boy, but the birth of Carter only brings us closer to the day when we will all be seperated for so long....
